Finding on-going happiness seems, for many of us, an almost impossible task.
We end up settling for a grey and far less satisfying state of ‘okay-ness’ interspersed with brief periods of joy, harmony and momentary fulfilments side by side with uncomfortable feelings of personal impotence, general dissatisfaction and sometimes even victim-hood.
Our experiences tend to prove that life isn’t all we were told it was cracked up to be.
Oftentimes, we seem to be neither in control nor in charge of our lives and the way we respond to life’s challenges. Instead, our automatic reactions take over and we end up more miserable than we started.
A significant source of all this unhappiness is our childhood.
As small children we arrive back on the planet in a state of pure love. We are confident that we are love – and nothing but love – and that all we meet will treat us lovingly. As returning spiritual beings, we are sure and certain that only love is real.
Problems start when we experience inappropriate behaviour from our parents and other peers. This can range from occasional verbal ridicule and emotional or physical exclusion all the way to sexual abuse and outright rejection. As small children we have no history of experiences from which to discern the legitimacy of any action. Hence, we have no way to judge the validity (or otherwise) of such conduct.
Good or bad, appropriate or inappropriate, all behaviour is simply assumed (by the innocent child) to be an adults way to express their love for us.
Unable to adequately respond to any abuse, as children we safeguarded ourself as best we could by blocking such memories from our conscious mind. Then we proceeded with the task of learning again how to handle life in a three dimensional physical world.
Over time, we came to almost forget what we had locked safely away in the deepest recesses of our brain. Yet, every now and then, we would notice our knee-jerk reaction to a particular situation – with all of its attendant negative and destructive flow-on – and wonder how this could be……
Why did we seem so addicted to unhappiness that we would go out of our way to respond to situations by choosing responses that repetitively assured us of continued discomfort and suffering? The reason is that we were simply responding to the (often forgotten) behaviour we received as young children. As adults we can easily discern the inappropriate nature of much of it – but this does little to stop our reactive response to it.
The answer is to choose to see our past from a fresh and healthier perspective. This is not to fudge history in any way, but rather to allow the rigidity of our own perspectives to embrace new (and yet equally valid) truths.
Remember when you last went to a party and everybody had a different memory of it a fortnight later? That’s because everyone saw it from their own particular perspective. No-one was absolutely right and no-one was absolutely wrong. Everyone just saw the party from different perspectives – always their own.
Life’s the same. We all think our own perspective about our experiences is the right one and everyone else is fooling themselves. Of course, the truth is often different.
As a small child I lost my own mother to illness and grew up estranged from my own father. Deep within I felt betrayed, I believed you couldn’t trust women, although as a child I was of course incapable of vocalising such a belief. However, as I grew into a young man I chose female company that confirmed my belief. Was this proof or was this fate? It was neither. Over time I came to understand that I chose experiences that would affirm my distorted beliefs about women. Yet how could I change my beliefs? Should I create a more appealing fictional past for myself? Could I possibly lie to myself about my early childhood? Obviously not.
Yet change my perspective I could.
Instead of seeing my mother as someone who had birthed me and then deserted me by dying, I came to see her as an angelic being that safely brought me to earth before leaving for other destinations unknown. Could I trust women? I surely could!
In that moment of expanded perspective new truths flooded into my awareness and my unspoken beliefs were changed forever.
In the same moment, all my experiences were set to change too. How could they not? After all, I could now easily trust women!
My reality instantly changed.
My experiences effortlessly changed.
My truths evolved.
My life moved into a new, more expansive and enriching process.
In every aspect of our lives we can choose to own incomplete and limiting perspectives that habitually restrict the wholeness of our lives with its attendant joyless-ness……or we can embrace wider, richer, truer perspectives that enable us to celebrate the deep source of love which we are – have always been – and will always be.
We can forgo our unhappiness and acknowledge new understandings of compassion and truth. This holds true for every situation you might possibly have ‘experienced’.
We can choose to recognise life as a partnership between all peoples, each with their own agendas, needs, hopes, visions, handicaps, trials, dysfunctions and opportunities – rather than as a world that’s out to get the better of us.
An Affirmation: I choose to see the good and the divine in everyone and everything, and acknowledge the cosmic challenge to embrace the wholeness which is my natural birthright.
More in a fortnight!
Blessings and Love,