I mentioned recently that when I was a homeless teenager on the streets of ‘the Cross’ I carried what seemed like the very worst of all burdens: I saw myself as grossly disfigured and ugly due to the large tumours which covered my body…..
I also doubted if I was worthwhile….if my life was worth anything….. if I wasn’t just a freak, taking up space better given to others who were far more worthwhile, useful and put together “properly”…..
And those thoughts were exacerbated every time I opened mouth.
That’s because my voice distressed me as much as my body.
I had an exceptionally bad listhpp….
I sounded like a girl (I still do on the phone)
And, when excited, my high notes could almost shatter glass.
So I shut up. Totally.
In time I came to think that my words didn’t really matter.
I had no-one close to talk to and being under-educated had almost certainly nothing worthwhile to share with others.
So I kept to myself.
And that way I avoided reminding myself how worthless I was.
I talked to myself.
I answered myself back.
I had great conversations with myself (I still do).
And then one day I noticed there was a difference in the two ‘voices’.
One was a victim. Happy to find the negative.
I discovered this was the spokesperson for my “Outer Self”.
The other was totally at ease. Automatically gravitated to the positive.
This was the spokesperson for my “Inner Self”.
I realized my Outer Voice carried my hurts, my baggage, my pains and my fears. It was heavily into survival.
My Inner Voice carried my hopes, my vision, my curiosity, my passion, my excitement, my appreciation. It was focussed on love.
That’s when I started listening to what this second ‘voice’ had to say:
It carried an authenticity that was lacking in my Outer Voice.
I did what it suggested – timidly at first but over time with ever-greater faith and certainty.
I became a public speaker, university lecturer, marketing consultant, media columnist, advertising agent, spiritual minister and Meditation and self-empowerment teacher/coach/guide/counselor and author.
Can you relate to any of this?
Do you sometimes feel worthless?
Are you struggling with making sense of life?
If you are, my mentoring or workshops may offer you a way forward…..
You see I still have my listhpp, can still shatter glass with those high notes….and now – to add to my physical issues – my hair’s gone missing and my eyes don’t synchronize so everyone in the first few rows thinks I’m looking directly at them!
But I KNOW I am NOT worthless: my life is worthwhile.
And yours is too!!
Peace be within you.